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Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! When Adults Lie, Children Learn!

3/20/2014

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Children who are lied to by adults are more likely to lie than children who are not lied to by adults. Once again science tells us something that we should have already known. Researchers at the University of California at San Diego[i] conducted an interesting project that involved 186 children divided into two groups.[ii] Both groups were asked to identify the cartoon characters only hearing their voices and without peaking at the dolls that represented them. One half of the group was told that there was a bowl of candy in the next room. Then in short order they were told by the researcher that they had been lied to and that there was no candy. The other group was not lied to by the researcher.

Both groups were then asked to identify the characters by listening to the song associated with the doll without looking. Just after the child heard the tune, the observer excused himself and left the room. This gave the child a 90 second opportunity to cheat. Then when the observer returned the children were asked if they had cheated.

The results are interesting for those aged 5 to 7.  Around 60% of those who had not been lied to cheated. And, 60% of those who cheated lied about it. For those in the group who had been lied to by the researcher 80% cheated and 90% of those cheated lied about it. There was a difference between the 5 to 7 year olds and the 3 to 4 year olds. The 3 to 4 years olds were not affected by the lie the researcher told and cheated and lied at the same rate.

I suppose you wouldn’t need a doctorate in psychology to predict that children who are lied to by adults will learn from them. I suppose when parents or important adult figures lie to children we should expect that children might think we were telling them that it is ok. As a parent of four children and a grandparent of twelve, I have always thought that the young ones who watch me pick up my bad habits quicker than any good ones I might have.

I guess this means that if I smoke my children will. If I cuss, my children probably will too. If my children see that I smoke pot, they may decide that it is ok for them as well. There are all kinds of things that we can choose to do as adults that our children may choose to imitate because that is how they learn.

If we want our children to become honest, hard working, upright citizens who become good parents, we will have to set the example. We are already setting an example for them, the only question is will it be a good one? 

Proverbs 22:6 is quoted often in reference to raising children. “Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” There are lots of conclusions that we can arrive at from that verse, but the one that is unavoidable is that parents do the training. And, how we choose to live by God’s grace will profoundly affect the little ones who watch us.

When we adults are deciding what our habits, words, or actions will be, we need to remember that there are always little eyes watching and learning. “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edification, that it may minister grace to the hearer.” Ephesians 4:29

 



[i] University of California, San Diego. "Lied-to children more likely to cheat, lie." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 19 March 2014. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140319093802.htm>.

[ii] Chelsea Hays, Leslie J. Carver. Follow the liar: the effects of adult lies on children's honesty. Developmental Science, 2014; DOI: 10.1111/desc.12171

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PTSD: Listening Matters!

3/14/2014

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A fascinating research article published in February in Development and Psychopathology[i] and reported in Science Daily[ii] has given new insight into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Researchers at Penn State University examined the relationship of three variables in the development of PTSD in children who have suffered child abuse.  Around 40% of abused children develop PTSD. The researchers were interested in why the 60% did not.

There are several theories as to why some individuals confronted with terrible treatment develop PTSD and this research looked at three aspects. Change in the level of the hormone cortisol which is often released with stress was examined. The ability to control our breathing which helps us to remain calm in difficult times was examined. And, the willingness to talk about the events was also investigated.

Out of the three the willingness to discuss the abuse predicted the presence or absence of PTSD.  The research found that girls who had suffered abuse in the prior year and were willing to discuss it were less likely to have symptoms of PTSD in the next 12 months. The study did not say why they chose to talk about the abuse.

When I talk with individuals who are dealing with PTSD the most common thread for those who are surviving is a supportive social structure.  A family that supports, a job that gives purpose and friends who understand are all sited as things that are essential to surviving the struggle. Now we know one more. There has to be a place where the struggler can talk about it without fear and with the assurance that those who listen care.

I can think of no better place for that to happen than in Biblical counseling, in a church that cares. When I teach first year counselors I tell them that one of the most important things they will do is listen. I urge them to give the struggler the first 30 minutes of the first session to talk without interruption.  By doing that we give people hope and hope is a good thing.

Paul told Christians at Galatia to “Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” (Gal 6:2 NASB)  In the middle of our struggles, I suspect that one of the most valued things is a friend, loved one or brother/sister in Christ who will mercifully listen to our trouble without judgment.  For those who suffer abuse it may just be the difference between a lifetime of struggle and finding peace.


[i]Chad E. Shenk, Frank W. Putnam, Joseph R. Rausch, James L. Peugh and Jennie G. Noll (2014). A longitudinal study of several potential mediators of the relationship between child maltreatment and posttraumatic stress disorder symptoms . Development and Psychopathology, 26, pp 81-91. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000916

[ii] Penn State. "Experiential avoidance increases PTSD risk following child maltreatment." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 5 March 2014. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140305125239.htm>.

 

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    Charles D Hodges Jr. MD
    I have been counseling people with mood problems and other family issues  for 25 years.  

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